Fashion Fever

I LOVE clothes.

Really, I do.

No, I'm not a fashion diva who keeps up with all the designers the celebrities wear on the red carpet or every single trend to walk down the runway during Fashion Week (which I'd like to attend someday).

But I do think fashion is an art form. I actually wouldn't mind making something for myself someday. I feel like custom-made clothing has somewhat of a negative stigma attached to it but sometimes I want to wear a certain shirt or a certain sweater or even a certain design that only exists in my head. I'd be happy to go to the store to pay for it but it just isn't out there. Bummer.

I'm also guilty of picking up some things from the trends out there: I've bought red chinos, I have some green roll up jeans, a pair of purple roll up shorts, some shirts with prints here and there (I practically live at my local H&M). But, most importantly (in my opinion, at least), I do have a specific style: I love stripes, I love unique patterns, certain prints, some edgy designs, certain bright colors (nothing wrong with a pink shirt), dark colors. If it's something simple I like there to be a splash of color somewhere. I also like to mix things up: Today I wore a denim shirt (which I know is a current trend) but I wore it open with a "Mile High Horror Film Festival" t-shirt I got for free last year, that way I get a get a bit of the latest trend but it's still incorporated with me. It's awesome when a friend (most likely my good friend, Juan, who has been my shopping bud as of recently) sees a shirt and tells me "Dude, that shirt is totally you."

For example, I would SO wear this shirt:

But I wouldn't wear this sweater. I don't think it's ugly, it's just not my style:

I don't do watches (a trend I've chosen to ignore) because they're simply not me, I'm a wristband/bracelet kind of guy. If I want to know the time, I'll check my phone. I do like rings though and have considered necklaces but have yet to actually find one I like. There's not much accessories for men.

I've literally had to talk myself out of buying things because it becomes like a fever that takes over when I see clothes. Oh, to have the type of funds where I could walk into Nordstrom and walk out with $3000 worth of stuff.

I wasn't always like this. This fever started about a year ago. Before that, I didn't care about clothes one bit and wasn't any sort of stylish. The ugly days, lol! Once upon a time, on birthdays, I hated getting clothes for gifts. Now, I relish it.

Sometimes, I feel like my style is still growing. And I say that because I'm taking it more and more seriously. Some time ago, I thought an interest in clothes was absolutely vapid but now I see why so many individuals find value in it.

If fashion is an art form then I am a canvas where self-expression will be displayed.

Tightrope

Over the weekend I was at a youth retreat, which was amazing and refreshing, and I was inspired to write this poem. Some background on it first: For a long time, I've let my shame overwhelm me when I've sinned and I've probably spent more time beating myself up over it than remembering I'm saved by His grace. I've also spent a great deal of time in a vicious circle as well, not bothering to try to get out of it since I've told myself I'm going to fall right back in anyway. However, by His power and love, things have changed.

Tightrope

With shaky, bare feet,

clenched fists,
and a held-in scream,
I walk on a tightrope.

Red footprints
behind me, bloody
raw wounds.
My stabbing shame,
crushing guilt,
are the sharper pain.
I deserve this.

Far enough
from Him
so I can't see his face
when I stumble
into embracive darkness
below.

Far enough
from His voice
so I can't hear
when He calls out.
The sound of his tears
is unbearable.

Close enough
to my sin
when the monster
beckons.
I know it will feed
on my soul.

Close enough
to my vicious circle,
the self-loathing
routine.
Heavy chains
weigh me down.

"I'm a Christian"
I say,
"Jesus is great"
I remind.
If only
I could remember
to trust Him.

My Father steps in
"Give me your shame"
A weight lifted.
A river of love consumes me.

He cuts the tightrope,
and I fall into His fervent arms,
Free.

Horror as Tragedy: Mother Dearest, Part 1

Sorry I haven't written in so long, the school semester was kicking my butt.

So, a few months ago I finally watched Freddy vs. Jason (2003) for the very first time (Hard to believe, right? I've only seen it for the first time just now even though it's been out for a decade) and I realized that sequel has officially concluded both the Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street franchises for me. It's about time I finished! Both franchises have had their share of not so great sequels (especially F13th), both original movies have been remade (FYI: Avoid the Elm Street remake, it's awful), and both have faced off in the above sequel (which was alright). Hate them or love them, both villains have been iconic figures in the horror genre and, combined, have death tolls up in the hundreds, but, interestingly enough, both had tragic beginnings.

Jason Voorhees, famous for his crazy mother and his long machete (Hmm, I feel a Feminist interpretation coming on but I'll save that one for another time [I just took a film class called Cinema Theory and Film Criticism and Feminist Film Theory kind of blew my socks off]) hacking through camp counselors in sequel after sequel, is my focus in this post. Yes, Jason has created more elaborate death scenes than probably any other horror villain out there (part 7 literally had a sleeping bag death scene) and man, the number of victims is pretty dang high but his origin story is a sad one.

In Friday the 13th, we have Pamela Voorhees, a deranged woman who is killing sexually active camp counselors at Camp Crystal Lake where her only son, Jason, drowned years ago. Jason, unable to swim, wasn't rescued because the camp counselors who were supposed to have been keeping an eye out were having sex. Pamela, after killing all the characters after being spurred on by her loss and by Jason's voice (in her head), reveals to the last remaining character, Alice, the above details and why Jason shouldn't have died. Female villain is left to face off with younger, female victim, ahhh, fighting the urge to turn this into a feminist reading! I'm going to have to come back to this film (which could actually be an entirely different blog, actually) and analyze the Feminist undertones because I'm just itching to do so.

Beyond the bloodshed and terror, Friday the 13th is essentially the story of a broken mother who was unable to cope with the loss of her only child. She deals with her anger and sorrow by killing anyone who remotely relates to the professions of the previous, negligent individuals. Pamela is insane, of course, but the woman has her reasons. The voice in Pamela's head, which she believes to be Jason, is merely her way of giving voice to the immense pain she's harboring. Also, in murdering the camp counselors, she receives some semblance of retribution but it is not, and never will be, enough since children are irreplaceable. In a way, it lets you know how deep a mother's love for her kids runs. Through Pamela, there is a brief glimpse of the unique bond a mother shares with her child. As a male viewer, I am outside looking in and appreciating the maternal instinct (that's not to downplay fathers and paternal instinct whatsoever).

Pamela is out of the picture by the end of the first film, paving the way for Jason to take her place (supernaturally, of course). Jason officially becomes the antagonist in Friday the 13th Part 2 but his emotional attachment to Pamela remains present throughout the entire series. In Part 2, the protagonist, Ginny, is running away from Jason and stumbles upon a shrine he has built for his mother which includes candles, her severed head, and the infamous sweater seen in the picture to the left. Ginny slips on the sweater and pretends to be Pamela when Jason corners her, commanding him to "listen to Mother!" and put the knife down, which he does and it gives Ginny a chance to get away. Jason is hesitant during this scene but he listen to Ginny because his mother was probably the only figure in his life who treated him with kindness. Jason was a deformed kid and there is never a mention of a father so it can be assumed he wasn't a present figure in Jason's life. In fact, the surviving protagonist from the original film ends up dead in the beginning of Part 2, presumably killed by Jason to avenge his mother's death. In Friday the 13th Part 8: Jason Takes Manhattan, we are reminded that, as vicious a killer as Jason is, deep down he is still that helpless, vulnerable, motherless son when the characters trap him in a flooding tunnel and he reverts back to his childlike form (hard to believe, I know, but we are all the way up sequel #8 now, so bear with me). Even in Freddy vs. Jason, Freddy pretends to be Pamela in a dream, calling him "My special, special boy", in order to get Jason to start killing again. Also, Freddy refers to him as a "Mama's boy" and reiterates their bond when he sees Jason's face under the hockey mask and says "that's a face only a mother could love."

In conclusion, the Friday the 13th series leaves me with the sad desire that Pamela and Jason could have ended up happier. If only the stupid camp counselors could have been doing their jobs and rescued Jason from the water, this entire tragedy and the loss of countless lives could have been prevented, if only. After all, as Norman Bates (another demented mama's boy) reminds us, "A boy's best friend is his mother."

Tofu, Jesus, and Weight Loss, Oh My!

This month, my church has participated in the "Daniel Fast", a 21-day fast comprised of mostly fruits, vegetables, nuts, and a few other earthy ingredients. Basically, I've been a vegan for the past few weeks. I've strolled through Whole Foods quite a few times (cliche, I know, but it was the first place I thought of when signing up to participate), I've tried tofu dishes and veggie dishes at restaurants where I usually have fatty, meaty entrees, and I've realized how delicious natural food can be. At first, I thought I wasn't going to make it and honestly expected to cave halfway through but it's been a great experience. The blender has been a good friend of mine lately, I've been blending up a smoothie storm with fruits, nuts, and soy milk. Also, my mom has been participating as well and has come up with a bunch of creative, Daniel-friendly meals. I've even considered going the vegetarian route when the fast is over. I've had my fill of ham and cheese with tofurkey and cheese substitute sandwiches, and there's plenty of vegetarian friendly desserts out there (a luxury I haven't had since early January). I don't know though, I love all food, and while I haven't really missed beef, I do love me some chicken. Also, I love traveling, and I think part of the experience is tasting the local cuisine. We'll see.

Of course, this isn't just about the food. It's spiritual, it's about reconnecting with God. I can't say I've kept a devotional every single day of the fast but on the days I have it's been like a breath of fresh air. My dandy smart phone has come in handy with a bible app and daily reading plans. The other day I loved reading about how there are an eternity's worth of reasons to praise Him. My walk with Jesus used to be a lot stronger but at least this has been a step in the right direction, about getting back to the days when holding his hand  seemed exciting (spiritually speaking, of course, I'm not a crazy holding fake hands and pretending they are His hands). It sounds like I might be talking about a significant other, but that's the way a relationship with Him should be, He is so awesome and so worthy. Also, for any reader who might not be a believer, I would never try to shove my faith/belief down your throat, so don't feel like my posts are for Christian eyes only. I do believe in Jesus and He's the ultimate joy in my life but, as its made apparent from my other posts, I write about anything and everything. I've explained this in the hopes that I do have readers out there :).

A cool thing I've learned about myself with this fast is that I'm stronger than I thought I was. My brother is literally a few feet away from me, chomping on parmesan garlic chicken wings and potato wedges from Buffalo Wild Wings and it's not phasing me. Alright, I've already eaten dinner (some lovely wheat yakisoba noodles with soy meat and squash) and I'm full, it'd probably be a different story if I were writing on an empty stomach. Yes, there were a few times where some foods were mouth-watering and tempting but I held strong. This has showed me I can be stronger in other areas of my life.

Of course there's been weight loss! Yay! I've also been exercising and am determined to make time for running during the week now that the semester has started. The Daniel Fast ends on Thursday and I'm happy to say I participated.

One last thing, I was rummaging through Google, and I found a picture of tofu we can probably use for communion on Sunday.

Horror movies!

I'm a big horror genre fan and here's the year 2012 in horror movies:

Keep in mind this list does not include repeated viewings (for example, I watched Carpenter's Halloween around Halloween and Bob Clark's Black Christmas on Christmas day), only first time viewings.

Also, the year the movie was made is included and my personal rating on a scale of 1 to 10.

And...go!

1) The Devil Inside (2012)- 5/10

2) 13 Ghosts (1960)- 6/10

3) [Rec] (2007)- 8/10

4) Alice Sweet Alice (1976)- 8/10

5) Silent House (2011)- 5/10

6) Event Horizon (1997)- 8/10

7) Fright Night (2011)- 7/10

8) Sorority Row (2009)- 6/10

9) House on Haunted Hill (1959)- 6/10

10) The Woman in Black (2012)- 7/10

11) Prom Night (2008)- 6/10

12) Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988)- 6/10

13) Halloween 5 (1989)- 6/10

14) Prom Night (1980)- 6/10

15) A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child (1989)- 6/10

16) Jennifer's Body (2009)- 7/10

17) Gothika (2003)- 6/10

18) The Final Destination (2009)- 2/10

19) Final Destination 5 (2011)- 7/10

20) Trick 'r Treat (2007)- 8/10

21) Dracula (1931)- 7/10

22) Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)- 5/10

23) Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Meyers (1995)- 6/10

24) The Haunting of Molly Hartley (2008)- 6/10

25) Grave Encounters (2011)- 5/10

26) Grave Encounters 2 (2012)- 6/10

27) Halloween H2O: 20 Years Later (1998)- 6/10

28) Halloween: Resurrection (2002)- 3/10

29) Blood and Black Lace (1964)- 7/10

30) Halloween (2007)- 6/10

31) Poltergeist (1982)- 7/10

32) Don't Look Now (1973)- 8/10

33) Carnival of Souls (1962)- 7/10

34) The Uninvited (2009)- 7/10

35) Shutter (2008)- 6/10

36) The Thing (2011)- 7/10

37) The Mist (2007)- 8/10

38) Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991)- 2/10

39) Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (1993)- 2/10

40) Sinister (2012)- 6/10

41) Halloween 2 (2009)- 6/10

42) The Descent: Part 2 (2009)- 7/10

43) The Eye (Jian Gui) (2002)- 7/10

44) The House on Sorority Row (1983)- 5/10

45) Terror Train (1980)- 8/10

46) Poltergeist II: The Other Side (1983)- 5/10

47) 28 Days Later (2002)- 8/10

48) Black Sunday (1960)- 7/10

49) Detention (2011)- 7/10

50) 28 Weeks Later (2007)- 5/10