Tightrope
With shaky, bare feet,
clenched fists,
and a held-in scream,
I walk on a tightrope.
Red footprints
behind me, bloody
raw wounds.
My stabbing shame,
crushing guilt,
are the sharper pain.
I deserve this.
Far enough
from Him
so I can't see his face
when I stumble
into embracive darkness
below.
Far enough
from His voice
so I can't hear
when He calls out.
The sound of his tears
is unbearable.
Close enough
to my sin
when the monster
beckons.
I know it will feed
on my soul.
Close enough
to my vicious circle,
the self-loathing
routine.
Heavy chains
weigh me down.
"I'm a Christian"
I say,
"Jesus is great"
I remind.
If only
I could remember
to trust Him.
My Father steps in
"Give me your shame"
A weight lifted.
A river of love consumes me.
He cuts the tightrope,
and I fall into His fervent arms,
Free.
and a held-in scream,
I walk on a tightrope.
Red footprints
behind me, bloody
raw wounds.
My stabbing shame,
crushing guilt,
are the sharper pain.
I deserve this.
Far enough
from Him
so I can't see his face
when I stumble
into embracive darkness
below.
Far enough
from His voice
so I can't hear
when He calls out.
The sound of his tears
is unbearable.
Close enough
to my sin
when the monster
beckons.
I know it will feed
on my soul.
Close enough
to my vicious circle,
the self-loathing
routine.
Heavy chains
weigh me down.
"I'm a Christian"
I say,
"Jesus is great"
I remind.
If only
I could remember
to trust Him.
My Father steps in
"Give me your shame"
A weight lifted.
A river of love consumes me.
He cuts the tightrope,
and I fall into His fervent arms,
Free.
Hector, I'm trying to understand your poem. I'm a Christian too. So I'm not questioning the context or the idea that our Heavenly Father waits for us with arms wide open with an abundance of grace and love and hope! maybe I'm over analyzing your words but I've read this poem a couple times over. the first stanza IMO is referencing to the tight rope as your life? You feel your "moving forward" but not as a happy camper hence the held in scream and fresh wounds on the soles of your feet. A tightrope is a physical activity in which one must balance with the conscience effort of moving forward knowing you can fall at any moment ( I like your analogy)
ReplyDeleteThen you go on to say that you can bare the physical pain for the true battle lies between your ears you are your biggest critic your illest judge you can't let yourself live a happy life "you deserve to be unhappy"
Then you introduce me to the idea that you, as I, strayed so far away that you did not allow yourself to hear his cry out to you that when you fall you forget that he loves you unconditionally and is waiting for you to say you need him
Your sin so tightly bound at your soul not letting you live a life worth living because it is only for YOUR pleasure and in no way glorifies or acknowledges the existence of our God
Now here is where I get lost not necessarily lost pero me dejaste wanting more. This poem isn't finished neither is your testimony yes it's a beautiful thing when gods unmerited favor, Grace, meets you exactly where you are but you can't finish the poem with a happy ending! " I'm found, I'm saved, now I will live happily ever after" what idea are you getting accross. I mean I'm all for saving souls and glorifying his name and sharing your testimony pero we have to be real we Christians aren't exempt from the harsh realities being lived. Yes he does wait for us with arms wide open but hmm I don't know where I'm going with this how do I put this? Ok for now let's keep breaking down your poem
Ok so he lifts your shame, the tightrope cut and you fall into his arms ok and then what? Lol you get me? You say your free and yea were free pero and then what? Comment back with your opinion? Or at least think about it idk if I made any sense but I like your writing and I would really like to get your feedback on my confused observations
First of all, thanks for reading!
ReplyDeleteSecond of all, who are you? lol. Do I know you or did you just happen to stumble upon Le blog?
Third of all, your initial observations are correct. I've felt like I've been on a tightrope for the longest time with my personal life and relationship (or lack thereof) with God. I know the ending seems abrupt, to me even, but it's simply how I felt at the moment. It's not necessarily as happy an ending as you think, more of a "I'm falling into somewhere new, good, but new, and I'm going to see what lies ahead." I am free, but I'm also wondering what happens now.
Fourth of all, thanks for the feedback.